about her

The list of things I hate today

black tights
ripped tights
ankle boots combined with a skirt/dress
high waisted shorts
big eyeglasses
wearing leggings as pants
black boots
dull boots
long shirts
women wearing mens collarshirts
empire-line
long necklaces
boring hats
wearing only tight clothes
wearing a belt anywhere else than on trousers/jeans/pants
the classic chanel bag
animal prints on casual clothes/accessories
ruffleshirts
sleeveless collarshirts
headbands worn on rambo-style
combining colors with black or white or black and white
tunics
being stuck on old style-rules such as "NEVER COMBINE BLACK AND BROWN"
hair extensions
too many layers
reality tv
hair products
considering interest in appearance superficial


I find it awful that as a human I have to go through these vicious feelings, such as hate and disgust. I'd rather accept everything and be able to see the good instead of the bad in things. I want to be caring and kind, I don't want to swear. Though also something good came out of this mean, yet human, list. By going through the things I dislike, I also became more aware of the things I do like.

the fact that I'm starting to like myself

Yesterday I made my legal bar debut. Drank too much and came once again face to face with the fact that alcohol doesn't suit me. Maybe it suits me while I am drunk but the morning after fills me with such remorse, that it's just not worth it. Under its influence I laugh without reasons, I actually laughed yesterday.

Why does it have to be so impossible to go aboard? Lately I haven't been able to give up the idea of moving to France and starting over. By writing this I realise how absurd and common it sounds like. Isn't this something that everyone longs for?

I realised today that I have to learn how to cook and clean properly before starting a family. Or maybe starting a family requires no preparation. In the last minutes of Kill Bill 2 Beatrix Kiddo finds out about her daughter and suddenly acts like a mother. No preparation, no awkward lack of adaptation. Pure instinct and attachment formed in an instant.