hel-looks vs. tampere ss

movies I can remember seeing in the past few weeks

Frida, East Is East, The Life of David Gale, Todo Sobre Mi Madre, Hable Con Ella, Maria Full of Grace, Danny The Dog, Vera Drake, Trois Couleurs: Bleu, Trois Couleurs: Blanc, Tsotsi, Full Metal Jacket, Sexy Beast, Au Revoir Les Enfants, Burn After Reading, The Godfather I, The Godfather II, La Ley Del Deseo, Dirty Pretty Things, Cotton Club, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, Monster's Ball, Dogville, Elizabethtown, Alexander, Oliver Twist, Ali, Magnolia, Ali, Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill I, Kill Bill II, Sweeney Todd, The Science of Sleep, The Hours, Girl with a Pearl Earring

There HAS to be more. I see a film or two every day.

atmosphere

I'm playing the guitar again and my fingertips feel smooth and electric.

sittin on chrome

scarf: from my sister, dress: flea market 1€, knit: flea market 1€, tights: H&M 2.90€

Had some trouble deciding whether to wear red or tone this style down with grey over-knees and a blue scarf instead of the red on the picture. I shall not tone down!

take me home

I found a way to work my bangs. Had an awful day. Am supposed to have read a complete book for tomorrow but have not done so. Instead of reading I'm sitting at my laptop with a guitar in my lap and listening to koop. This music takes me back to times I deal with huge contradiction. Somehow perfect yet somehow the most difficult time of my life.

atmosphere

I cut myself bangs, once again. Now that I'm about 15kg skinnier than the last time I had this hairstyle, it actually kind of fits me.

I think I'm into someone. I think were like Irina and Pete.

keep your love locked down

Why oh why do I always end up browsing lookbook.nu when I know it does me no good. Quite the opposite actually, I begin to feel inadequate and start to stress over my appearance and style.

I just finished watching Lars von Triers Dogville. Amazing, though creepy and suffocating. It feels as if there's too much evil in this world and that the good things will stop compensating them and something truly evil will happen. Maybe I'm just beginning to lose my faith in humanity, if there even was any to begin with.

I never

Today our schools dance courses provided their fellow schoolmates with an afternoon of their productions. A mother of one of the dancers was sitting next to me. When her daughter took the stage, she started crying and didn't stop until long after the performance had ended. I usually don't like to show affection, least in public, but I felt like giving her a hug. Lately I've had this kind of feelings where I suddenly have the urge to hug someone, not just anyone but particularly someone. Last week in theatre it was the person playing a desperate and sad character. I'm not sure what it really is that is stopping me from being more physically close with people. In the past I've made it really clear that I'm not the hugging-type and maybe I feel uncertain about breaking the image people have of me.

My hair is incredibly dark by nature. I always thought they were nearly blond.

I can't straighten my fingers, my skin itches, my nose and cheeks are redredred all around the day. I need to get out of this cold.

sea lion woman

I was, once again, browsing lookbook.nu and got extremely irritated. I too want to be able to wear tops, dresses and skirts but am unabled by finnish climate. This morning I woke up at 4am to the sound of the huge ploughing machines circulating the city centre. It's been pouring snow for two days now. Children are throwing snowballs at each other and I'm sure one of them will hit me too someday soon. So while having to wear tens of layers of clothing and still freeze outside, I'll also have to deal with the fear of snowballs and elementary kids. It actually took me 5 minutes to undress today because of the layering. Tights and legwarmers and woolsocks and about 6 different knits. And high heels, how I would love to be able to wear high heels daily! Or even once in a while. It's impossible even in the summers because it rains throughout them. I seriously have to start improving my french in order to move abroad from this cold cold country.

It's been a long day. I spent 6 hours straight through at school writing my finnish preliminaries.

black cherry

The new song by Kanye West sounds good. Repetetive, though. The video is also good.

There would be an indie disco tonight. I actually feel more like staying home. Entrance would be free and having decided to strain myself from alcohol, a night of dancing to good music would cost me none. Also tens of people I know or at least used to once. Those people do of course include some I wouldn't care to see..

The coldness is making me shiver around the clock! My fingers are filled with small wounds caused by drought caused by the cold.

about her

The list of things I hate today

black tights
ripped tights
ankle boots combined with a skirt/dress
high waisted shorts
big eyeglasses
wearing leggings as pants
black boots
dull boots
long shirts
women wearing mens collarshirts
empire-line
long necklaces
boring hats
wearing only tight clothes
wearing a belt anywhere else than on trousers/jeans/pants
the classic chanel bag
animal prints on casual clothes/accessories
ruffleshirts
sleeveless collarshirts
headbands worn on rambo-style
combining colors with black or white or black and white
tunics
being stuck on old style-rules such as "NEVER COMBINE BLACK AND BROWN"
hair extensions
too many layers
reality tv
hair products
considering interest in appearance superficial


I find it awful that as a human I have to go through these vicious feelings, such as hate and disgust. I'd rather accept everything and be able to see the good instead of the bad in things. I want to be caring and kind, I don't want to swear. Though also something good came out of this mean, yet human, list. By going through the things I dislike, I also became more aware of the things I do like.

the fact that I'm starting to like myself

Yesterday I made my legal bar debut. Drank too much and came once again face to face with the fact that alcohol doesn't suit me. Maybe it suits me while I am drunk but the morning after fills me with such remorse, that it's just not worth it. Under its influence I laugh without reasons, I actually laughed yesterday.

Why does it have to be so impossible to go aboard? Lately I haven't been able to give up the idea of moving to France and starting over. By writing this I realise how absurd and common it sounds like. Isn't this something that everyone longs for?

I realised today that I have to learn how to cook and clean properly before starting a family. Or maybe starting a family requires no preparation. In the last minutes of Kill Bill 2 Beatrix Kiddo finds out about her daughter and suddenly acts like a mother. No preparation, no awkward lack of adaptation. Pure instinct and attachment formed in an instant.

Karoliina Kaunis

I've lost the ability to write on my mothertongue. After every sentence I feel so utterly ashamed that I can't even imagine pressing that orange button and letting the whole world see how artsy I am. Maybe it's better, after all, to write in english. Rather than trying to improve something I suck in, finnish, I decide to prepare myself for my english matriculation examination by pouring the most uninteresting details of my life in another language than finnish.

Did I actually have something to write? Forgot it by now, anyway